tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28820788880111608212024-02-20T09:50:14.357-08:00The Perfect RatioSome of the Google searches that have lured people to this site: "perfect female ratio", "jessica alba ratio", "the perfect female", "perfect little asshole", "alba female ratio", "perfect dick ratio", "marmot sex", "feminist slut", "dead feminists", "free vulva perfume", "perfect mind ratio", "what is the perfect ratio"----
I embody none of these, unfortch.Lauren Banshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00734429345141979854noreply@blogger.comBlogger334125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2882078888011160821.post-76850581713068993602012-05-23T08:08:00.001-07:002012-05-23T08:08:22.437-07:00So Basically "Lost In Translation" Starring Aubrey Plaza"As for Murray, he and Plaza shared a “deep connection,” and even tore
down the divider between their adjoining trailers. “Whenever I went to
my trailer, he would be sitting there making a gin and tonic and looking
at me. I was, like, ‘Honey, I’m home.’” Her boyfriend, screenwriter
Jeff Baena, was aware and approved of the relationship. “We didn’t
consummate it or anything,” she says, “at least not physically.”<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.vulture.com/2012/05/dont-roll-your-eyes-at-aubrey-plaza.html">Don't Roll Your Eyes At Aubrey Plaza</a>, NY MagLauren Banshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00734429345141979854noreply@blogger.com21tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2882078888011160821.post-741339692716426312012-05-10T11:05:00.001-07:002012-05-10T11:05:08.894-07:00Almost Sensical Revenge Outros I Made Up.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSZDWRtalanZVoM8RSqG91byic81CMC-J7wWn9BEj68wN3f4B-9_dxAZ42kkBd-iuhF6TDvk8g3SVUr5mQ_J3tfE9lyjV6_kagDHJW5YdPHSwBVh39q7koaKIkQGlBx3HLh1ZF39qicPiy/s1600/Revenge-abc-logo-550x309.jpg" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSZDWRtalanZVoM8RSqG91byic81CMC-J7wWn9BEj68wN3f4B-9_dxAZ42kkBd-iuhF6TDvk8g3SVUr5mQ_J3tfE9lyjV6_kagDHJW5YdPHSwBVh39q7koaKIkQGlBx3HLh1ZF39qicPiy/s320/Revenge-abc-logo-550x309.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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1.)"<i>Guilt</i>. Like the waves breaking against the rocks, guilt will beat you, over and over again, until you succumb and slink down into the blackness at the bottom. But what happens when there's a giant shark down there?"<br />
<br />
2.)"<i>Betrayal</i>. They say betrayal is the last emotion the sun feels as the encroaching night pushes it off the edge of the horizon. But those who are betrayed don't stay out of the picture for long. Soon, very soon, they are ready to burn anew. And the heat they give off? Well, it can be <i>chilling</i>. It's parka season in the Hamptons."<br />
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3.) "<i>Longing</i>. It's in the way the fish swim to the hook, even though a dark fate awaits them there. Or the way a boat tries to take itself further and further out to sea. A wise man once said that longing is the opposite of having. So what is longing for the people who have everything?"Lauren Banshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00734429345141979854noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2882078888011160821.post-52158502657771292092012-04-27T10:31:00.002-07:002012-04-27T10:31:54.962-07:00DEAD PEOPLE WITH CAKE IN THEIR MOUTHTop search referrers to this very site. YOU GUYS!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhposbyqmfk_cv4C7VGum6B-w4f9OgRiumZb8h-meC55eiXlMJuY5zY0PJvfk6xobD8Hc_5VpNstMMes7trBfaNKUQ_gH-TTzu_dthhobwneMsPOc87FTas1A52CZGwSnhYuNtNVN0hyVgT/s1600/Picture+9.png" imageanchor="1" style=""><img border="0" height="145" width="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhposbyqmfk_cv4C7VGum6B-w4f9OgRiumZb8h-meC55eiXlMJuY5zY0PJvfk6xobD8Hc_5VpNstMMes7trBfaNKUQ_gH-TTzu_dthhobwneMsPOc87FTas1A52CZGwSnhYuNtNVN0hyVgT/s400/Picture+9.png" /></a></div>Lauren Banshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00734429345141979854noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2882078888011160821.post-51427247675959410492011-06-10T06:22:00.001-07:002011-06-10T06:23:35.414-07:00From the AV Club's 4 Part Interview with Dan Harmon:<br /><br /><span style="font-style:italic;">For the large part of this episode, I was in this room alone with Megan [Ganz]. I remember that experience very well because I was at my emotional wits’ end. I had been told numerous times before that, as early as episode seven, that I was at my wits’ end. People kept telling me to stop. They would say, “You’re at the end of your rope.” And I’d say, “Why are you saying that? That seems like a weird thing to wish on someone. I’m really happy. I love my show.” And they’d say, “No, no, you are exhausted, you need to cool out.” And I’d go home from those meetings thinking, “I think that they just wish that I wasn’t me.” <br /><br />And it’s funny, because on that episode, I found out what the actual end of the rope feels like, because there is definitely no point in both seasons where I’ve been so terrified of my own failure. I’ve never been able to taste it like that. It was a combination of being that far behind schedule—there was no breaking the story, having a draft, table-reading, getting notes—and the episode obviously wouldn’t have existed if that had had to happen, because that process was designed to stop weird things from happening. And for good reason. There was too much risk and not enough reward. There is money being made and a business being transacted on every other network, and here we are on this little island of “Who gives a fuck?” But at some point, it doesn’t even matter. “Stop overthinking it; stop being weird. What’s the worst thing that could happen to your numbers if you go home and sleep a little bit?”<br /><br />Sometimes you focus so much on getting away with stuff because you think, “Oh, if I could just get away with it, then everything will be great.” But then you get away with something accidentally, and you realize, “Wait, I get away with everything. I’m at the tippy-top of a $2 million investment into a half-hour of television about what? What is even going on in this story?” And it surprises people to hear me describe it that way, because mostly it was just a cute episode. It wasn’t perceived by anyone—and I refuse to read any reviews of this episode—but it seemed from the Twitter feed that really all of my anxiety was… the disparity was really odd.</span> <br /><br />The humility in this, especially in this part: <span style="font-style:italic;">Sometimes you focus so much on getting away with stuff because you think, “Oh, if I could just get away with it, then everything will be great.” But then you get away with something accidentally, and you realize, “Wait, I get away with everything. I’m at the tippy-top of a $2 million investment into a half-hour of television about what?</span> makes me want to print it out and send it to Matt Weiner.Lauren Banshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00734429345141979854noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2882078888011160821.post-76328817755938994992011-03-31T14:45:00.000-07:002011-03-31T14:46:00.761-07:00The Best One Line Emails My Dad Has Sent Me“This Saturday your LSAT score expires.” <br /><br />“The bedroom tv broke now i can sleep. love dad”<br /> <br />“Mail me your tax returns today love dad to all ”<br /> <br />“Don’t get too excited how much are they offering u? love dad”<br /> <br />“Nothing is going on. Please call tonight. Love dad”Lauren Banshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00734429345141979854noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2882078888011160821.post-82994585006697026902011-02-09T09:24:00.000-08:002011-02-09T09:26:24.768-08:00<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhIPvUFqJZzs6eBJxfRTUCT0d49MtS-B2MCHHc9oGIgQivY7xFscz0Q-nVVxk5fhiTFaqzq9SnszUFJU-H5tYTh2NrZrCZEdO-q6fTD0Xne8jY8UtkDkuFHSqfdl2Eh0GwXRt61x7X6LX7d/s1600/luckystickers.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 225px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhIPvUFqJZzs6eBJxfRTUCT0d49MtS-B2MCHHc9oGIgQivY7xFscz0Q-nVVxk5fhiTFaqzq9SnszUFJU-H5tYTh2NrZrCZEdO-q6fTD0Xne8jY8UtkDkuFHSqfdl2Eh0GwXRt61x7X6LX7d/s320/luckystickers.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5571742108753506114" /></a><br /><br />I've always thought they should change the words on Lucky magazine stickers to sayings that will prompt womyn to emotionally wallet-vomit. Like "Your Dad isn't very proud of you." "I heard your YOUNGER sister is married already!" "Didn't call back, huh?"Lauren Banshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00734429345141979854noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2882078888011160821.post-30281535983537286602011-02-02T14:02:00.001-08:002011-02-02T14:12:38.039-08:00Headlines for Unusable Getty Images Round 2<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6B1S4m4ogWirLnr0D4j7GFaF6ROrolXzm0FFM_d_dphm04zSvg9ih8voDX_Q4CE8YQ_l94btiqgpGge9czhh8Of_marJC3Rdo-f28oqOL_SjDPlujHKPHG5HGj1bHgSOvSFfGOpiaK7_2/s1600/200400256-001.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 266px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6B1S4m4ogWirLnr0D4j7GFaF6ROrolXzm0FFM_d_dphm04zSvg9ih8voDX_Q4CE8YQ_l94btiqgpGge9czhh8Of_marJC3Rdo-f28oqOL_SjDPlujHKPHG5HGj1bHgSOvSFfGOpiaK7_2/s400/200400256-001.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5569218297211216594" /></a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">"Playgrounds Help Caregivers Broach Nursing Home Options With Aging Parents"</span><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzHKUh1MrHimQoA1QjaC4VlOXZqQc6Pt3-n2FqYIROV5RuJWdnDXwQvzRsXe0UXAHNrIi5_0aLAnoJ72q0mulOBiljuQMVj3U9jlTovLsczJLRbKX9s5LgyUafOVu26K3BOI-5cIejvlwm/s1600/91107727.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 266px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzHKUh1MrHimQoA1QjaC4VlOXZqQc6Pt3-n2FqYIROV5RuJWdnDXwQvzRsXe0UXAHNrIi5_0aLAnoJ72q0mulOBiljuQMVj3U9jlTovLsczJLRbKX9s5LgyUafOVu26K3BOI-5cIejvlwm/s400/91107727.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5569218417085699570" /></a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">"Study Suggests Gluten Intolerance Higher In Winnebago Drivers."</span>Lauren Banshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00734429345141979854noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2882078888011160821.post-14271339935646458412011-02-01T06:56:00.000-08:002011-02-01T07:03:37.014-08:00My problem with this billboard<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4FPMW7ya9DGAlKhwyxD2lZGHPBhVfNmc4fYe5JbyY9BMVmrcl3GfrGnqFFpfLChQYKrDsPGzvP9XJeWj7QxC9lHMtIAUqFp54zmZIy12EsEQq5hq32jvvmavPYK-nNdzesc7LaJGWojHL/s1600/2052379_1.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 145px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4FPMW7ya9DGAlKhwyxD2lZGHPBhVfNmc4fYe5JbyY9BMVmrcl3GfrGnqFFpfLChQYKrDsPGzvP9XJeWj7QxC9lHMtIAUqFp54zmZIy12EsEQq5hq32jvvmavPYK-nNdzesc7LaJGWojHL/s320/2052379_1.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5568735324829437778" /></a><br /><br />She just doesn't look that <span style="font-style:italic;">in need</span>. Maybe hack off one of the pigtails and leave the ends really razored and matted like homeless dog fur? I dunno. What are some problems you guys have with billboards?Lauren Banshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00734429345141979854noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2882078888011160821.post-1496643224418298542011-01-31T14:16:00.001-08:002011-01-31T14:16:32.102-08:00This is so funny!<embed width="600" height="361" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowFullscreen="true" allowNetworking="all" wmode="transparent" src="http://static.photobucket.com/player.swf" flashvars="file=http%3A%2F%2Fvid705.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fww51%2Fmikedurham1%2Fsnl_-_rocket_dog.mp4">Lauren Banshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00734429345141979854noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2882078888011160821.post-63370196404579879942011-01-27T13:57:00.000-08:002011-01-27T14:01:17.491-08:00The Best Answers To The Question "What wine goes with bolognese?" From Internet Commenters.I'm guessing Red Wine,that's what they serve in the resturants in Calgary.<br /><br />as long as its wet it dont matter lol<br /><br />Anything you enjoy, or maybe your trying to impress someone. In that case ask them what their favorite is. Its that simple. everyone has individual tastes. Live,experiment a little.<br /><br />Red or white <br /><br />my favorite wine is dandelion wine. my cousin rob makes it at his house.Lauren Banshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00734429345141979854noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2882078888011160821.post-85809868875750777752011-01-25T11:33:00.000-08:002011-01-25T11:35:02.133-08:00From the last essay in the new Geoff Dyer collection, on his marriage.'Aside from its amazing cheapness, the only unusual thing about our wedding was an agreement we made—a private addendum to the regular vows—whereby I would be free to write anything I wanted about us and our relationship, irrespective of whether it was true."<br /><br /><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gideon_Lewis-Kraus">via GLK</a>.Lauren Banshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00734429345141979854noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2882078888011160821.post-82845172151065436372011-01-22T14:37:00.000-08:002011-01-22T14:49:24.466-08:00Deborah Solomon is the worst.This:<br /><br /><span style="font-style:italic;"><a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2011/01/23/magazine/23FOB-Q4-t.html?_r=1&ref=magazine">A friend of mine says that nightlife represents the greatest waste of human energy in the history of mankind.</a> </span><br /><br />1.) "A friend of mine says" is the journalistic equivalent of "my girlfriend in Canada."<br /><br />2.) Why you gotta fight with every one, Solly? You're like one of those straight-out-of-college-with-something-to-prove boys that think a good conversation involves antagonizing someone about retarded things.Lauren Banshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00734429345141979854noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2882078888011160821.post-41322387697675251592011-01-20T13:48:00.000-08:002011-01-20T13:49:42.488-08:00Here are some lines from my Sex And The City episode that HBO ended up pulling of the air.<span style="font-style:italic;"><a href="http://thehairpin.com/2011/01/imaginary-lines-from-an-imaginary-911-sex-and-the-city-episode/">Sigh</a></span>.Lauren Banshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00734429345141979854noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2882078888011160821.post-78982348886242419692011-01-20T11:00:00.001-08:002011-01-20T11:04:40.086-08:00Headlines for Unusable Getty Images<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUZH39KFVn2Ut60eTmRC2SFyus6G5UaGG8UnsMKhFqJ0dqeITWQSWPu7mpsh9TlcZYIF9fNOK8qMSPH7tpenzr-q0v4VH1IWCwH8X8JHHMbWYl-jO6dYwEbljQZJdOxsAYUCDYk1_YLpRc/s1600/83867991.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 213px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUZH39KFVn2Ut60eTmRC2SFyus6G5UaGG8UnsMKhFqJ0dqeITWQSWPu7mpsh9TlcZYIF9fNOK8qMSPH7tpenzr-q0v4VH1IWCwH8X8JHHMbWYl-jO6dYwEbljQZJdOxsAYUCDYk1_YLpRc/s320/83867991.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5564345626712864914" /></a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">"Study Finds That Bearded Men Require Two More Hours of Cake Sleep Than Unbearded Men."</span><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidWlbFv_wPKII_04QyVgEhNwXIJzxYs3e8kS1nliz2rVM0TmL3NX4RoxtIQeh0aIHfD9zmPH-UVWBKFoFQOEA0icR6roOdTbBypuf2oUU8TF4wQTRM3_HQe4ojvxZM89rjyzQCMOaQioDI/s1600/tumblr_lf9vgu1POw1qbmre7o1_r1_500.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 229px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidWlbFv_wPKII_04QyVgEhNwXIJzxYs3e8kS1nliz2rVM0TmL3NX4RoxtIQeh0aIHfD9zmPH-UVWBKFoFQOEA0icR6roOdTbBypuf2oUU8TF4wQTRM3_HQe4ojvxZM89rjyzQCMOaQioDI/s320/tumblr_lf9vgu1POw1qbmre7o1_r1_500.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5564345079799646146" /></a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">"Many Actors Do Light Stock Photo Work On Their Way To Comedy Careers."</span>Lauren Banshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00734429345141979854noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2882078888011160821.post-52212798075656896722011-01-17T12:19:00.000-08:002011-01-17T12:20:42.986-08:00Just thinkAt least you’re not Jennifer Aniston. Think about much it would suck to be Jennifer Aniston. Once you’re Jennifer Aniston you’re Jennifer Aniston forever, as the cardinal rule of Being Jennifer Aniston goes.Lauren Banshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00734429345141979854noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2882078888011160821.post-88819432553313063312011-01-04T06:41:00.001-08:002011-01-04T06:41:51.469-08:00Lines From The X-Files I Used On The Ticket Agent To Try To Get On A Plane To New York During Snowpocalypse“I’m a doctor. I SAVE LIVES.”<br /><br />“You've never seen me panic. When I panic, I make this face.”<br /><br />“After all you've seen you can just walk away?“<br /><br />“Fine, here’s the truth. I'm the key figure in an ongoing government charade, the plot to conceal the truth about the existence of extraterrestrials. It's a global conspiracy, actually, with key players in the highest levels of power, that reaches down into the lives of every man, woman, and child on this planet.”<br /><br />“Get me on this plane.”Lauren Banshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00734429345141979854noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2882078888011160821.post-14141712497095607872010-12-23T08:12:00.000-08:002010-12-23T08:37:12.156-08:00"Better To Leave Something To the Imagination"You know how at some point an older dressing room attendant at Nordstrom's said this to you when you were like, "Can I pair the miniskirt <span style="font-style:italic;">with</span> this belly shirt?" (Haha I have never once asked that.) <br /><br />I think it's dumb advice, because people have crazy imaginations. Like you would never want to dress in a way that leaves anything to the imagination if you were dating James Cameron, because then he'd inevitably be disappointed you didn't have an electric blue 10-ft-long tail/flying horse syncher tucked in your baggy pants.<br /><br />I DUNNOOOO, THIS IS JUST SOMETHING I WAS THINKING. DON'T SHOOT THE MESSENGER. IT TAKES TWO TO TANGO.Lauren Banshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00734429345141979854noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2882078888011160821.post-12776683254770712552010-12-10T08:10:00.000-08:002010-12-10T08:28:05.748-08:00<a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2010/12/09/fashion/09bartenders.html?_r=2">“If you can’t afford to hire a bartender,” he added, “you shouldn’t be having a party.” </a><br /><br />You shouldn't even have friends. What would you and your "friends" do? Walk? OUTSIDE? Play the recorder on the 5 train platform? Lick a banana peel you found lying on top of a city garbage can and say it's okay because of the "three second rule"?Lauren Banshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00734429345141979854noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2882078888011160821.post-7668041004418647182010-12-08T13:37:00.000-08:002010-12-08T13:49:19.074-08:00Let's Not Forget About The Burritos.Tommy Lee’s <a href="http://nymag.com/daily/entertainment/2010/12/tommy_lee_sea_world_letter.html">born-viral letter</a> to Sea World condemning them for masturbating a whale reads, in part: <br /><br />“We understand that you refuse to release this frustrated whale because he is your chief sperm bank, and we know that the way you get his sperm is by having someone enter the pool and masturbate him with a cow’s vagina filled with hot water. Even during my wildest days in Motley Crue I could’ve never imagined something so sick and twisted.” <br /><br />A PERFECT RATIO NOTE ON THIS: It’s like, okay, small clap, Tommy Lee, you're a bonafide animal rights hero and a hilarious Internet meme for the day of December 9th, BUT buuuuuuuuuuuuut let’s not forget you used to fuck breakfast burritos on your tour bus to get the smell of groupies off of your penis. Not quite as disgusting as hot n'wet cow pocket, I agree. But then, of course, you, as a human being, are not the same as a whale. Balancing out the differing species expectations, I might go so far as to say that sticking your junk into a breakfast burrito is maybe just as sick and twisted. I remember when I read this anecdote in <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Dirt-Confessions-Worlds-Most-Notorious/dp/0060392886"><span style="font-style:italic;">The Dirt</span> </a>I underlined it and then wrote the best side-of-page note I've ever written, which was simply: WHY NOT SHOWER?<br /><br />(A motto I now live by.)Lauren Banshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00734429345141979854noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2882078888011160821.post-22646723210825899432010-12-07T06:17:00.000-08:002010-12-07T06:22:27.645-08:00Audience Questions Are The BestLast night I went to a screening of Blue Valentine. There was a Q and A after and every single audience "question" went something like this. Audience "questions" are the best.<br /><br />Susan: Hi my name is Susan, and my question is, well, I think that scene in the motel when you're making love was really intimate... like it just speaks testimony to your skills as actors,you know? I mean when you guys were on the floor rolling around it was just great to watch, I really loved it, it felt super real, though I suppose you must have had a thousand camera men around you, right? Ha ha. But just considering how intimate it must have been and how realistic it seemed to us, you know?"<br /><br />DEAD SILENCE<br /><br />Susan:...So I guess I was wondering if you could talk a little bit about that?Lauren Banshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00734429345141979854noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2882078888011160821.post-23420783672917185132010-12-03T09:17:00.000-08:002010-12-03T09:18:42.821-08:00Fake Lyrics To Taylor Swift's New Fake Song "Dear Jake"<a href="http://hollywoodcrush.mtv.com/2010/11/29/taylor-swift-jake-gyllenhaal-2/">Can’t believe it took until today</a><br />To realize you’re just another Kayne<br />I thought it all was so clear before<br />but now I know the score, now I know the score<br /><br />[Cut in Brokeback Mountain audio: “I just can’t quit you. you. you....you.”]<br /><br />The day we went out and sipped coffee,<br />laughing freely, for all to see,<br />Said you didn’t want to live without me<br />Told my Mom, and she said “Careful, T”<br /><br />I’m way too young to be played around this way<br />really i was like basically born yesterday<br />Did I mention I hated “Runaway?”<br />This song is about Jake Gyllenhall<br /><br />yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah....fades.Lauren Banshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00734429345141979854noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2882078888011160821.post-70877068859928220262010-11-17T02:01:00.000-08:002010-11-17T02:03:04.017-08:00An Imaginary Conversation With The Cat On My Block.Cat: God bless you, mami.<br /><br />Me: What?<br /><br />Me: Seriously, did you just say something?<br /><br />Cat: Meow.Lauren Banshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00734429345141979854noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2882078888011160821.post-25767700529935695382010-11-16T23:32:00.000-08:002010-11-16T23:33:11.076-08:00Strong Open<a href="http://ginini.com/smiley-faces-for-the-keyboard">The great thing about keyboard smiley faces is that they allow us to quickly express emotions that are sometimes difficult to put into words.</a>Lauren Banshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00734429345141979854noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2882078888011160821.post-59316452259806450902010-11-11T09:15:00.000-08:002010-11-11T09:18:16.032-08:00Three Songs That You Wouldn’t Possibly Think Are About John Mayer That Are Actually/Maybe About John Mayer<span style="font-style:italic;">While Swift isn't naming names on "Dear John" — well, last names at least — she doesn't shy away from calling out someone for a love gone terribly wrong. There's no confirmation that the tune is about Mayer, but some lyrics that have appeared online have everyone wondering if he's the John she's singing about. </span><br /><br /><br />1.) Frank Sinatra “Fly Me To The Moon”<br /><br /><span style="font-style:italic;">Fly me to the moon<br />Let me play among the stars<br />Let me see what spring is like<br />On a-Jupiter and Mars</span><br /><br />In 1952, Mayer was a freshman student at Berkelee School of Music. By the end of his first semester he contracted both mono and the typical white boy itch for an alternative education. The itch begets the prolapse, as prostate wisdom goes, and Mayer fell quickly into drug dealing. His particular cocktail of cocaine cut with spermicide was nicknamed Moon Trip not for any sort of launch sensation it provided but because it was typically packaged in ass-centric pornography pages ripped from vintage Hustler issues. You know the rest of the story. He was contacted anonymously. He was floored by the visage in the doorway. He spent the night in a penthouse giving his idol a sponge bath. Both client and provider were genuinely moved to tears, like a grandpa realizing his lapdog has just pooped on the couch for the last time.<br /><br />2.) Tracy Chapman “Fast Car”<br /><br /><span style="font-style:italic;">You got a fast car<br />I want a ticket to anywhere<br />Maybe we make a deal<br />Maybe together we can get somewhere</span><br /><br />True fact: John Mayer drives a Ford GT, the older, meaner brother of the Mustang, with 550 horsepower, and two side mirrors that can be angled to catch the light glints reflected off of both driver cheekbones. His GT is custom painted in road cone orange and choke sex blue ensuring that at no moment the outer world mistakes him for anyone but John Mayer, and he never has to wonder about the horror of making a right turn unnoticed. Anyway, one time in 1993 Tracy Chapman was hitch-hiking on Route 101 and Mayer saw leather and the promising outline of breasts and he pulled over. Chapman asked him, “Maybe we make a deal?” but the terms could not be met.<br /><br />3.) Blessed Union of Souls “Hey Leonardo”<br /><span style="font-style:italic;"><br />She likes me for me<br />Not because I look like Tyson Beckford<br />With the charm of Robert Redford<br />Oozing out my ears</span><br /><br /><br />They were just a small town Ohio band. A 100 lb bass in a Midwestern pond. But they had dreams. Dreams that invaded their daily thoughts when they were in line for concessions at the Apple Creek drive-thru or stirring soup on the stovetop. The dreams were of Billboard Top 100 fame, the kind of get me out of this damn place Springsteenian fantasies that make people very bad middle country boyfriends. One night, Elliot was driving around town with his girl sitting shotgun when John Mayer’s “Your Body is a Wonderland” came on the radio. “I COULD do this, Lisa!” Elliot shouted, hitting the steering wheel emphatically, “I could!” And Lisa, her poor potato-eyes looking to the sky for divine intervention, took to petting her boyfriend’s ego like it was a shaken and fragile cow that had just been tipped. “Baby,” she said, “I like you for you.”Lauren Banshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00734429345141979854noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2882078888011160821.post-47518360460174621312010-11-05T09:26:00.001-07:002010-11-07T19:23:08.993-08:00I've never really understoodthe bizarre synergy between Liz Phair and Keith Richards. Mainly because Richards has always seemed more myth than man to me-- you know, he's the large-than-life rock God sustaining a vampiric existence care of 4am speedballs and maybe/probably daily unicorn blood transfusions, and as much as Liz Phair rocks and rocks hard, her persona seems to be culled as a direct affront to the very sandbox in which Richards' plays. Sure, Phair's <span style="font-style:italic;">Exile in Guyville</span> was a tribute (or was it more of a jab? or was it be BOTH? OMG FALLING DOWN THE RABBIT HOLE.. WHERE'S MY SPEEDBALL?!!) to the Stones' <span style="font-style:italic;">Exile on Main Street</span>, but it also a painfully human bitch-out of the boy-owned world that she desperately wanted to enter and simultaneously wanted to destroy. I feel like circa 1993 Phair would call it a hate fuck.<br /><br />Anyway, here is the <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2010/11/14/books/review/Phair-t.html?_r=2&hp=&pagewanted=all">Liz Phair of now reviewing Richards' biography</a>.Lauren Banshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00734429345141979854noreply@blogger.com0