Hey guys,

Are you on the Facebook? I am. Twice actually! I have a fake profile for a 22 year old dancer named Lauren B*ns who lives in Delaware. It felt like an Internet security issue to be the sole search match for my name. Everyone thinks dancers have great bods and Delaware is good for my business taxes. That is why I picked those two things.

Anyway, let's keep this short. Today I got poked by a man named Tato. His profile pic was of a snake that swallowed some sort of mammal, it looked like maybe a bunny. I mean, that's a statement right? You're going around poking people with that kind of deliberately intimidating profile picture, that says something, you know? If not about who you are exactly, then something about who you want people to think you are. I mean, I felt a little victimized. So I googled "what eats snakes" and did some reading on the subject. Then I changed my profile pic to that of an African Honey Badger and poked him the fuck back.

The End.