Wednesday, September 30, 2009


Once when I was shaving my legs I got really excited thinking one day you won't have to shave your legs, but then I realized that this wasn't true, or rather, it was only true of the day that I die. I was in the shower, so my tears weren't painfully obvious, but now I just have my interns shave my legs for me, to avoid the memory. #itcametrue.

It's ON, Bitch


Thursday, September 24, 2009

Hey guys,

Are you on the Facebook? I am. Twice actually! I have a fake profile for a 22 year old dancer named Lauren B*ns who lives in Delaware. It felt like an Internet security issue to be the sole search match for my name. Everyone thinks dancers have great bods and Delaware is good for my business taxes. That is why I picked those two things.

Anyway, let's keep this short. Today I got poked by a man named Tato. His profile pic was of a snake that swallowed some sort of mammal, it looked like maybe a bunny. I mean, that's a statement right? You're going around poking people with that kind of deliberately intimidating profile picture, that says something, you know? If not about who you are exactly, then something about who you want people to think you are. I mean, I felt a little victimized. So I googled "what eats snakes" and did some reading on the subject. Then I changed my profile pic to that of an African Honey Badger and poked him the fuck back.

The End.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009


Hello readership!
(i.e. Mom and Googlers arriving from a "Sarah Palin peeing" search)

Next week I start blogging at Slate's lady blog about culture and stuff. This is exciting to me. And to you, Mom. Probably not so much to the rest of you. But if your interest is peaked, please give me your loving clicks.


The Informant: It Is Good.

The Informant: it is good. Very good. Soderbergh essentially makes over his 2000 Erin Brockovich gem with an asshole lead, casting a bloated Matt Damon as Mark Whitacre, a whistleblower who is less unappealingly horsey-looking than J. Roberts, but who has an entire stable in his backyard bought with the money he swindled from the food additive company he later decided to report to the FBI for price-fixing. So, yeah, there are valid, vaguely horse-related reasons to dislike them both. But please note that to doubt Steven Soderbergh's talent is an anti-American sentiment punishable by law.

It's weird, however, that in these hard times of economic destruction at the hands of greedy corporate white dudes you almost like Matt Damon in spite of his criminal conduct. It helps that the movie's inside his head at all times, and his headthoughts are hilarious. And apparently delusions of grandeur are always more slapstick, and less anger-inspiring when they come with a bushy moustache. The non-fiction book the film is based on is decidedly less funny (though I wish the film would have played up Whitacre's obsession with The Firm more, that comedy just writes itself) which makes it all the more daring that Soderbergh made a somewhat sympathetic, or at the very least, lighthearted, portrait of a corporate criminal and pulled it off successfully. (Madoff, look alive boy!)

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

A Note

I would drown myself too if I were trapped in the MOST BORING SEASON EVER.