It's heartening to see the Church is chilling a bit on the whole NO SEX before marriage thing. If the goal is to not leave your future husband with a bare stem, then let's see: there are probably twenty petals on each rose, and it looks like eight roses all together in the bouquet, so according to my calculations you can have premarital sex 160 times and still get a passing grade in the Lord's Book of Documented Human Sexual Acts. It's probably too late for me, but for those of you who have been more choosy, start tallying.

Also, a sidenote for the Abstinence movement: can you please stop symbolizing my genitals with flowers? I just don't get it. No one can buy my vag a dozen times for $12.99. It doesn't need to be submerged in water. It doesn't have thorns....if you're good (TEETH reference!) And it doesn't shrivel and die in a week. A much more apt metaphor would be Chili's Awesome Blossom, a delicious meal that blooms all year at reasonable prices in most American suburbs!