Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Where Love is Blind, and Humor is Always Golden

Today the youngest of my familial clan emailed incessantly asking me to tell her jokes, which I found highly annoying because 1.) jokes are hard to tell over the Internet, and 2.) I am not a dancing monkey. I sent her links about nipple stimulation via bat, and the shame of young feminists on qualudes, but even girl on girl infighting didn't pique her interest for long. She begged. To give you an idea of what I'm working with, her favorite joke is as follows: A man and his wife sit down at a restaurant. When the waiter comes over to take their order, the man asks "Now how is your chicken prepared?" The waiter grows solemn and responds, "Well sir, we just tell them flat out that they're going to die." Not bad.

So as a passive aggressive way to indicate I wasn't interested in
sending her jokes, I started to send her ones that I made up. Jokes that didn't make any sense, unless you think Dadaism is funny (which it's not). Yet she seems to have such respect for my joke-telling abilities that the fact the following are not funny does not seem to occur to her at all, which is, in itself, very funny. META-Funny. Like how during the lovemaking scene in WALL-E, the title character tells his sleek robot girlfriend "I can't actually penetrate you because this is a kid's movie," to which she replies, "It's been a wordless 75 minutes already, they're asleep, and it's time for my nude scene."

Alissa: Quickly! One more joke before I have softball at 5!

Me: What did the chicken say to the egg?

Alissa: I think I know this one... something about which came
first...but carry on...

Me: POOP OMELETTE.

Alissa: HAHAHAHAHAH, that's good. Kinda gross.... More?

Me: What did Hillary Clinton say to Bill?

Alissa: I don't know! But I want to know...

Me: Could you pass the salt? This dish is delicious!

Alissa: Ha! Good one!

6 comments:

floridagirlinsydney said...

Omigod, wtf-- do you get paid for that kind of entertainment?

Perfect Ratio said...

I didn't defend her from bullies on the school bus once and the guilt lives forever.

Meredith said...

What did the farmer say when he walked in on the brown chicken having sex with the brown cow?

Perfect Ratio said...

"I weigh 150lbs but my boobs are 15lbs so I'm really 135?"

WendyB said...

Wait...you're not a dancing monkey? WTF?

Molly said...

I LOVE YOU