Sunday, October 26, 2008

Well, well, well hasn't this just been the sexiest election ever? I can't even read Politico at the office anymore because it makes me nip inappropriately.

Being a VEEP candidate is just like being an actress! You memorize some lines and hire a stylist for $11,400 a week.

Palin Political Strategy (Confidential Internal GOP memo): Wink, smile, don't finish words, act so all men think they have a chance of doing you and all women want to impress their men by voting for you.

Welcome to the new female power. It's like in high school when dating a boy requires spending Friday nights in watching Jenna Jameson pornos on loop, talking about how hot Jenna Jameson is, and then getting complimented for being the kind of cool girl who can wax poetic on Jenna Jameson's hotness. Women for Sarah Palin are pretty much like girls at frat parties making out as a form of heterosexual foreplay for the boyyyz.

If John McCain had picked Condeleeza Rice as his running mate I could get behind this so-called GOP feminist ticket. I mean, not behind it as in vote for it, but behind it in the sense that I would recognize a smart, qualified (albeit evil) woman was undergoing a historic moment for womankind.

It's been my dream since I came home from school at age 15 thinking I had accidentally melted a Hershey bar in my pants to see feminism thrown around as a national issue. But not like this. This insidious, creepy bastardization of feminism is not only frightening because of McCain/Palin's stance on the issues (opposed to reproductive rights, supported a Supreme Court case against equal pay for women, makes Wasila, Alaska women pay for their own rape kits), but because this is the language with which potentially the most powerful female in the nation is described when asked about her qualifications to lead America:

And it's time we had that bresh of freth air (breast of fresh?) -- breath of fresh air coming into our nation's capital and sweep out the old-boy network and the cronyism that's been so much a part of it that I've fought against for all these years.

She'll be my partner. She understands reform. And, by the way, she also understands special-needs families. She understands that autism is on the rise, that we've got to find out what's causing it, and we've got to reach out to these families, and help them, and give them the help they need as they raise these very special needs children.

She understands that better than almost any American that I know. I'm proud of her.

I'm proud of her
The highest praise John McCain can give his running mate is Daddy's little girl accolades. I'm so proud of you sweetie, you've come to memorize so much about elections and America and how to say 'Ahmadinejad' on the news! Now go out to those rallies and make Daddy McCain proud.

It's THE PATRIARCHY utterly and literally personified before our eyes.


Odoacer said...

If it makes you feel any better apparently Sarah Palin has gone rogue, like an evil operative in a spy-movie. They’ll probably send out some sort of agent to bring her back in. They may be looking for volunteers. Your mission, should you decide to accept it,…

Perfect Ratio said...

I AM ON IT. I take down 'divas'