Thursday, March 22, 2007

Signs I need a full time job.

Sign #1: I become crazy in the house by myself. Note this dialogue I had with my peanut butter jar this afternoon.
The scene: I'm eating forkfuls of Omega-3 enhanced peanut butter straight from the jar, kind of writing pitches, kind of reading Harper's, and I look down to see that some of the oily goo from on top has dribbled down the front of my dress leaving a cum-like gooey stain on the fabric right between my breasts.

To the Jar: "Look what you did you pervert!"

Looking in the Mirror: "Ah. Fuck."

To the Jar: "You are so getting punished for this."

Begin consuming Jar at high speeds, before realizing Jar is not animated nor can it feel its punishment.

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