Thursday, September 20, 2007

This makes me LOLbarfinmypantz.

Picture courtesy of Sex Marmot.

So obviously if you've seen my profile, you know I'm like Facebook's biggest fan ever. I enjoy uploading pictures of my fun, fulfilling life for all to see as much as the next narcissistic drunken bitch does. I don't really see too much wrong with the TMInternet culture because 1.) There's perfectly valid entertainment value in perusing the wedding and live birth photo albums of a bunch of douchetards you only know from a 6 week trip to Israel you went on when you were like 12. What's more, it does not offend their (exhibitionist) sensibilities that you're scathingly judging them even though they've never spoken to you in person, only about you--and this was approximately 12 years ago when they told another pubescent Jewish peer that you "were fat and needed to shave your legs." (Disclaimer: Ummmm, the Bedoins don't sell Gillette razors in the DESERT, asswipe.) And 2.) Anyone who really thinks they're getting an honest view of life via a picture for the masses is an idiot. No one is having fun in pictures. Everyone is thinking, "Suck in!" and "that bitch better not be angling the camera under my chin."

That's why sneaky men taking pictures of actual life, like those naivetards who think it will be just so "wonderfully romantic" to snap a picture of you unawares during a really big life moment, are really fucking offensive. First of all, can you think of any time when a man armed with a camera, taking covert shots of someone has a positive connotation? It usually means there's a terrorist somewhere close, a Princess is about to get into a massive car crash, or Michael Jackson is snapping photos of the Kid's Special Olympics (for innocencezzzzz!). I wouldn't go as far as Slate did and argue that the act is unfeminist, but as an appearance-concerned woman, it's terrifying to imagine
a photographer stalking around, maybe getting shots of some mild finger-banging in a bar to preserve later for fond recollection. Do we not own our private sluttish (or significant) moments anymore? And why, WHY would you ever marry a man who has to photograph a picture of your surprised face so he can, "e-mail them to my whole family and all my co-workers." Could it be any more obvious that his mother will be sharing a bed with you after only two months of marriage?

Also either this is too smart for me to understand, or else it just doesn't MAKE ANY SENSE:

“I wanted to do the photos so that I could share that private moment with other people while keeping the actual moment itself private to us,” explained Mr. Norman.

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