Monday, January 14, 2008

Neo Nazi, I Forgive Thee For You Move These Weary Jewess Feet To Dance.

I discovered tonight at the gym that somehow I Saw The Sign and Don't Turn Around exist on my iPod. One theory is that much like Lohan in I Know Who Killed Me I have a stigmatic twin and we've both evolved to the supernatural point where our iPods are also stigmatically connected. LOLren (my twin) obviously lives in East Germany, has a best friend/lover named Theo with whom she dances at the discotheque every night from Wednesday through Sunday, and on most nights when she's drunk enough to forget she doesn't love him, she takes him home to her dull flat to have rough, inebriated sex to the tunes of her favorite Ace of Base album, The Sign (the discotheque may also explain why my hamstrings are always unusually fatigued). Or, theory numero deux: I download songs that I secretly love, but am shamed to admit I love when I'm wasted, and then later forget about them. I'm leaning towards the latter explanation, as I'm pretty sure that all I have in common with Lindsey Lohan, even as a fictional movie character, are some shoulder freckles and a deep unquenchable thirst for love and attention.

ACE OF BASE-- All That She Wants.

Linn Berrgen, lead singer = Hillary Clinton's STIGMATIC TWIN??
The face is the same, but the lip dubbing seems worse.

"She leads a lonely life.....", yet one so danceable!

In 1994, by the time my Bat Mitzvah rolled around, a.k.a. BEST NIGHT OF MY LIFE, Ace of Base had reached Minnesota radio and was a popular selection at school dances, sleepovers, and other important social events. Unfortunately a week before my becoming-an-Adult-Jewess party, I learned that Ulf, the hot Aryan male component of the band, had been a neo-Nazi. When the DJ dared to play Don't Turn Around, I stormed up to the booth, not only making him change the song, but also grabbing the mike to explain to my Jewish relatives how I was taking a stand against Nazism. You see, being a stubborn betch is nothing new to me.

Ulf, bane of my Jewish adolescence.

But hell, Ulf's apology was better than the Pope's, and as a result of my Ace of Base boycott I missed out on years of first-class pop.

Meaning, I only hurt myself.

Ulf's apology:

I saw the sign and it opened up my eyes
I saw the sign
Life is demanding without understanding
I saw the sign and it opened up my eyes
I saw the sign
No one’s gonna drag you up
To get into the light where you belong


WendyB said...

Ace of Base! Due for a comeback, definitely.

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