Tuesday, January 8, 2008

On Cake.



Marmsies: Oh Lauren, you are so dear to me. Let’s get a cake and give it a name and make it our child.

PR: Oh don't tempt me, for I am off work so I just might go get some cake, then swing by Target and get some little cake clothes, then go to Barnes & Noble and purchase "Your Little Cake's First Book". don't tempt me.

Marmsies: But then I’d eat it in the middle of the night and you’d take me to court and get all my stuff, and I’d have to move into a bachelor condo across town, where I’d listen to Steely Dan constantly and ash on the floor and cry. What an unpleasant way to start the new year!

PR: So basically if we made a cake baby, our lives would mirror the plot of Juno where you'd be Jason Bateman and I, Jennifer Garner? And you'd get a bachelor pad in downtown Rochester, Mnzz, and hit on 18-year-olds? So that's what that movie was about-- carrying a cake baby to term and the ramifications on an already unhealthy marriage!

Marmsies: I didn’t say our cake marriage was unhealthy, I just said I would probably eat the cake baby when I was drunk.

PR: I think when you look up "Unhealthy" in the dictionary, there is a picture of you, drunk, eating our cake baby.

Marmsies: When did you take that picture?????!!!!!!!

PR: at the hospital. i brought a camera to take pictures of the birth for our album, but then i caught you in the corner eating the cake baby. you said you were "washing it." oh the horror! Heart of Darkness redux with cake babies!

Marmsies: I’m not well-educated enough to fully grasp that joke in its entirety but it sounds horrifying!

PR: jesus christ i was going to go to the gym, but now i think i'm going to jog to the cake store, buy massive amounts of cake for our abode, and jog back, then maybe eat a piece. Is that horrifying?

Marmsies: No, that is an idea so brilliant, I am going to invent a new kind of cake-related award so that I may present it to you when I get home. The Red Velvet Heart, mayhaps?

PR: Okay, I'm doing it! I'll email you later with tales from the blood red trenches!

4 comments:

WendyB said...

Eek! I hope the cookie I just ate is not a relative of yours.

Perfect Ratio said...

It might be, but don't worry I firmly believe in retroactive edible abortsies.

Meredith said...

Now I want cake!

Perfect Ratio said...

DUDE, SO GOOD. We have to go togeths. I ate cake all the way jogging back home and then felt like barfing up my eyeballs, but I'll be ready to intake more in a week or so.