Tuesday, November 27, 2007

The Holiday Gift Guide!

The Bullshit Horn. We have a version of this in our home. It lightens the mood during times of tension. It gets Monsies all cute and annoyed which is a gift in and of itself. Sometimes when I'm alone I set it beside me on the couch to watch The Hills and it provides important commentary in the perfect pitch and tone that I myself am incapable of achieving. Really, the bullshit horn is like giving a friend to a friend.



The Snotty Egg Separator
. As a Jewess I appreciate the subtle anti-semitism here. This man though dubbed a WASPy "Peter Petrie" looks exactly like my grandpa. And who likes eggs? Jewish people. More importantly, who separates eggs? Jewish people. I say take back the nose and use this whilst baking your fav holiday kugel.



Speaking of noses, the I AM ME album of 18th wave feminist Ashlee Simpson provides a great gift to those who adhere to the two major values of 18th wave feminism: nose jobs make a woman and "my boyfriend he don't answer on the telephone/ I don't even know where the hell he goes/ but all my girls are here in a circle and nobody is going to break through/ L.O.V.E./ Girls are for life!"



What do you get when you combine the sister of an 18th wave feminist with a 4th wave feminist like Dane Cook and an Angus Third Pounder? Employee of the Month and an Angus Third Pounder to eat while watching it. Package them together for the ultimate present. This movie tackles issues of class too!




Lastly, everyone loves when you get personal with bad grammar or inside jokes. My favorite holiday presents are the customizable magnets and mugs at Zazzle. Book Club is getting an LOLcatz-themed book present. These mugs were intended for my roommates but I'm running into copyright problems. Apparently Cisco Adler doesn't want his balls on your drinking apparatus. But I will think of something. Even if I have to do and extreme ball close-up shot.




6 comments:

Axel Foley said...

I'm so glad the "bullshit" horn I purchased is still such a hit. My favorite parts of it are that the guy sounds genuinely pissed off when he's yelling, and also that the device is three times as loud as it needs to be.

Perfect Ratio said...

Although now that you mention the volume-- wouldn't it be like brilliantly ironic if the Bullshit Horn softly whispered instead of screamed? It could be like one of those calming sleep machines that plays sweet undulating messages of bullshit to lull you into dreams.

Axel Foley said...

Those sheep you're counting...are...(yawn) bullshit...

Perfect Ratio said...

Patent now! We'll be rich betch.

liz said...

Why is there no link to, like oriental traders or some shit for the bullshit horn? I can't believe I've been acting as my own bullshit horn all these years. It's like when they discovered vibrators!

Perfect Ratio said...

HA. Grrl u r Gold.

I'm already ordering you the bullshit horn and I'm gonna tape a picture of my bullshitty face on it so it will be just like we're in the same city all the time!!!